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There are 4.4 million of us! |
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According to the American Association of Suicidology there are over 29,000 suicides per year. One adult kills themselves every 18 minutes. One youth kills themselves every 2 hours. Suicide is the 11th cause of death in Americans and the 3rd cause of death in American youths. For each suicide at least 6 family members and close friends are directly affected. That is 4.4 million and 480 more of us each day.
The good news is that as of 1999 suicide rates had declined for six consecutive years. It is possible that if survivors can overcome the stigma of suicide we can help to bring attention to and support for suicide prevention as well as hope and recovery for ourselves. But this can be difficult for us for a multitude of reasons. Suicide is one of the cruelest deaths for survivors according to John Hewitt author of “After Suicide”, suicide is a triple whammy on everyone. Besides the usual grief of a death, there is the pain and shock of a sudden and often violent death. The survivor’s grief is complicated by severe feelings of guilt and shame. Survivors struggle daily and sometimes the rest of their lives with the question of why and are plagued with thoughts of “if only”. Suicide survivors oftentimes do not receive the typical support given to a grieving family. Instead they may experience blame, isolation and withdrawal from their friends, community and sometimes even other family members. Family members may deny the suicide death, avoid their own feelings and therefore lack the ability to support other family or friends. Some religions believe that suicide is a sin. Instead of receiving comfort and support from their spiritual community survivors may suffer from rejection and fear that their loved one’s soul is doomed. In addition to the varied and unexpected responses of family and friends a suicide death may result in other uncontrollable reactions. It is difficult to keep a suicide death quiet even if you which to do so. For the uninvolved suicide is a sensational event and the media picks up on it quickly. |
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Symptoms of suicide survivors |
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Physical
- Chest pain/heart flutters/tachycardia
- Headaches/neck aches/backaches
- Generalized tightness or pain in muscles
- Weight loss/weight gain
- Lack of energy
- Feelings of numbness
- Lack of libido
- Insomnia/oversleeping
- Inability to concentrate and focus
- Loss of memory
- Auditory and/or visual hallucinations of loved one
- Over activity/immobility
Emotional - Shock
- Sadness/depression
- Guilt
- Anger/irritability/agitation
- Illogical Fears
- Sensitivity to loud noises, bright lights or colors
- Mood swings
- Crying easily or inability to cry
- Feeling uncomfortable around others or not wanting to be alone
- Flashbacks/nightmares
- Desire to run away
- Feeling that you are going crazy
- Haunted by feelings of “why” and “if only”
- Fear of the future
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Help for Suicide Survivors |
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If you are a survivor please do these things. If you know someone who is a survivor please encourage them to do these things.
Take care of yourself by eating healthy and drinking plenty of fluids. Limit your use of alcohol and caffeine. Exercise within reason. Try to get plenty of rest and sleep. Tell your doctor what has happened, he may be able to help with some of your symptoms. Don’t make any decisions or changes that aren’t absolutely necessary. It will be a time of pain and confusion; both necessary and unnecessary changes will add to your distress. If you belong to a church or have a spiritual community, your minister or other members of the congregation may want to help you also. It is important to ask for what you need and to accept help from others. You may find that people want to assist you but don’t know how to or what to say. Be specific and let them know what you need they will be grateful for the opportunity to help. Do not be afraid to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. Seek a grief or suicide survivors support group in your area. They are there to help. |
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Books to read |
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- Suicide Survivors Handbook A Guide for the Bereaved and Those Who Want to Help Them: Trudy Carlson
- How to Survive the Loss of a Love: Melba Colgrove
- Stronger than Death When Suicide Touches Your Life: Sue Chance M.D.
- No Time to Say Goodbye Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One: Carla Fine
- Silent Grief Living in the Wake of a Suicide:
- Christopher Lucas
- My Son, My Son A Guide to Healing After a Suicide in the Family: Iris Bolton with Curtis Mitchell
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Friend |
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I cannot ease your aching heart,
Nor take your pain away,
But let me stay and take your hand
And walk with you today! I’ll listen when you need to talk;
I’ll wipe away your tears
I’ll share your worries when they com;
I’ll help you face your fears. I’m here and I will stand by you,
Each hill you have to climb,
So, take my hand, let’s face the world;
Live one day at a time! You’re not alone, for I’m still here.
I’ll go that extra mile,
And when your grief is easier,
I’ll help you learn to smile! |
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The Good Grief of Kansas office has moved to 2622 W. Central Suite B112 Wichita, KS 67203 Phone: 316-612-0700
Good Grief of Kansas provides support services to bereaved men and women as they journey through grief into a new life without their loved one.
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Suicide Survivors 
